Waiting for the Other Boot to Drop... Part 2: Safety & Security

Do you feel this way?

You've experienced or witnessed major fall-out, loss, damage, repercussions, or trauma from someone's drug or alcohol use. Not just once, but it's happened time and time again. What's to keep it from happening again? You're living on guard, waiting for it to happen.

I told our biblical counselor that I wanted a guarantee that my spouse would not use drugs or alcohol again. He was very candid and said that there was no guarantee that my husband wouldn't abuse substances again. There were things that he could guarantee if I was willing to hear and learn what the bible has to say. For example, where can I place my hope and trust if I can't guarantee that my spouse will not use again? (See Part 1: Hope & Trust in God.) Where can I place my safety and security if I can't rely on my spouse to remain drug and alcohol free? How can I learn to live without being overcome by fear and anxiety of the unknown? How can I stop waiting for the other boot to drop?

Safety & Security

My husband left an addiction program early and came home. I believed it was a matter of time before he would be using drugs again. I believed that my home was no longer a safe place with my husband there. I couldn't focus at work because I was wondering what my husband was doing and where he was. I was livid! I was mad at God. I thought, how could He allow my husband to come home and encroach on my peace of mind and security? I thought, how am I supposed to keep working and keep living? I didn't know what my husband was doing, and I anticipated that he would turn back to using drugs. I thought, how can I keep him from using drugs, and keep myself safe?

I turned to the Bible for God's counsel to set my mind, emotions, and attitude on the Lord because I realized that I was far from Him. I turned to Scripture in James 4:1-3.

" What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

I worked through the questions and answered them in a prayer journal as if I were having a counseling session with Jesus. Jesus acknowledged my anger and asked what I desired that I wasn't getting. I responded to Him that I wanted peace and security in my home. Since my husband left the program early, I believed that I no longer had peace of mind and security. Jesus asked if I had come to Him in prayer to talk about this situation and ask for peace and security. My answer was no. I had not come to Him in prayer about this situation. I was just mad and complaining about it, and blaming God.

Jesus spoke through the Scripture and convicted me that I have not because I ask not, and when I do ask, I ask with the wrong motive in my heart for my pleasure. The motive in my heart was all about me. I was mad about my husband's choice and the impact I presumed that it would have on me. I wasn't praying for my husband. I was mad about God allowing it to happen and what it could do to me. I wasn't thinking about the character of God, His attributes, what He's done, nor what He promises to do. I had an elevated view of myself and a wrong view of my husband and God.

At this point, I needed to repent and ask Jesus to forgive me for having a wrong view of Him and my husband, and for elevating myself. I started to meditate on the character of God and remember who He is and what He has done. In my prayer time, I heard Jesus say in my spirit, I Am your safety. I Am your security. I Am your refuge. Your home is not your safety. Your husband is not your safety. I will keep you safe in your home. I will keep you safe no matter what choices your husband makes.

I trusted Jesus with these words. There was a shift in my belief and my attitude. I was no longer angry and afraid of what might happen. I had a peace that surpassed all understanding come over me. I was able to focus on my work and not be worried about what my husband was doing. I was able to go home after work and spend time with my husband and love him. I thanked God for His gentleness and sweet time of prayer.

I did have to wrestle in my mind every day for a while to put off the thoughts of my safety and security being in jeopardy, and remind myself of the truth that Jesus is my safety and security. Over time, this has built up my confidence and trust in Jesus.

Jesus is also your Safety and Security. You can practice meditating and believing the truth of His word to bring you through challenging times.

Here are a few Scriptures that I rely on to bring me through tumultuous circumstances:

Psalm 18:2

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."

Psalm 46:1

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

Psalm 91:1-2,4

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler."